pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very

carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and

growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had

succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.

  It was so long since she had been anything near the right size,

that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a

few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual.  `Come,

there's half my plan done now!  How puzzling all these changes

are!  I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to

another!  However, I've got back to my right size:  the next

thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be

done, I wonder?'  As she said this, she came suddenly upon an

open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.

`Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come

upon them THIS size:  why, I should frighten them out of their

wits!'  So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did

not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself

down to nine inches high.

                           CHAPTER VI

                         Pig and Pepper

  For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and

wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came

running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman

because he was in livery:  otherwise, judging by his face only,

she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door

with his knuckles.  It was opened by another footman in livery,

with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,

Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their

heads.  She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and

crept a little way out of the wood to listen.

  The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great

letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to

the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess.  An

invitation from the Queen to play croquet.'  The Frog-Footman

repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the

words a little, `From the Queen.  An invitation for the Duchess

to play croquet.'

  Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled

together.

  Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into

the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped

out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the

ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.

  Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.

  `There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and

that for two reasons.  First, because I'm on the same side of the

door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise

inside, no one could possibly hear you.'  And certainly there was

a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling

and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish

or kettle had been broken to pieces.

  `Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?'

  `There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went

on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us.  For

instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let

you out, you know.'  He was looking up into the sky all the time

he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil.  `But

perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so

VERY nearly at the top of his head.  But at any rate he might

answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud.

  `I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--'

  At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate

came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head:  it just

grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees

behind him.

  `--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone,

exactly as if nothing had happened.

  `How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.

  `ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman.  `That's the

first question, you know.'

  It was, no doubt:  only Alice did not like to be told so.

`It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the

creatures argue.  It's enough to drive one crazy!'

  The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for

repeating his remark, with variations.  `I shall sit here,' he

said, `on and off, for days and days.'

  `But what am I to do?' said Alice.

  `Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began whistling.

  `Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately:

`he's perfectly idiotic!'  And she opened the door and went in.

  The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of

smoke from one end to the other:  the Duchess was sitting on a

three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was

leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to

be full of soup.

  `There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to

herself, as well as she could for sneezing.

  There was certainly too much of it in the air.  Even the

Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was

sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause.  The

only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook,

and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from

ear to ear.

  `Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for

she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to

speak first, `why your cat grins like that?'

  `It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why.  Pig!'

  She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice

quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed

to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on

again:--

  `I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I

didn't know that cats COULD grin.'

  `They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.'

  `I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely,

feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.

  `You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.'

  Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought

it would be as well to introduce some other subject of

conversation.  While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took

the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work

throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby

--the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,

plates, and dishes.  The Duchess took no notice of them even when

they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it

was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.

  `Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up

and down in an agony of terror.  `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS

nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very

nearly carried it off.

  `If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a

hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it

does.'

  `Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very

glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her

knowledge.  `Just think of what work it would make with the day

and night!  You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn

round on its axis--'

  `Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!'

  Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant

to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and

seemed not to be listening, so she went on again:  `Twenty-four

hours, I THINK; or is it twelve?  I--'

  `Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide

figures!'  And with that she began nursing her child again,

singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a

violent shake at the end of every line:

        `Speak roughly to your little boy,

          And beat him when he sneezes: