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帮我看看我的日记,帮我找错误

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neil 时间:2005-10-02 10:04  216次点击 | 0 关注
Cloudy 20.sep.2005 Today is Firday.It is a colorful day. I went to McDonald’s with my girl friend.She is outgoing person.She have a lot of secret to others.But not anyone for me.She is beautiful girl.We were together since three years.We love each other .I fill in love her at one night .Wefinished out-paniting .She was ill at before days.One life to One person,One meet to One person,One love for One person.The person is her.She devoted to me much too.So I must better love her.In facts I love her because our heart is bridge.I believe we can be married and life together forever. A word“ a love arrow shotted our feeling,we are love each other forever”
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已有6条回复
  • mike.wei [四级英语] ,2005-10-03
    呀,不怕拉!!!我看不出来。不过最重要的不是日记本身的对错吧
  • rain_star [四级英语] ,2005-10-03
    首先,你的日记格式不对,这很关键。 1. 年、月、日都写时,通常以月、日、年为顺序,月份可以缩写,日和年用逗号隔开。例如:December 18, 2003或者Dec. 18, 2003。 2. 如果要写星期,星期要紧挨日期,它既可以放在日期前面,也可以放在日期后面,星期也可以省略不写。星期和日期之间不用标点,但要空一格,星期也可缩写。例如:Thursday Dec. 18, 2003或Dec.18,2003 Thursday 3. 天气情况必不可少。天气一般用一个形容词如:Sunny, Fine, Rainy, Snowy等表示。天气通常位于日记的右上角。 所以你的日记的头应是: Sept. 1, 2005 Cloudy 其次,我觉得colorful修辞day可以吗?我是没这么用过的,我觉得它是鲜艳的,五颜六色的. secret有复数形式,如:the secrets of nature (大自然的奥秘) 你自己再认真看看,觉得不是一、两个地方的错误。 总的感觉是文章上下不连贯。
  • TheYeti [四级英语] ,2005-10-13
    [size=3]Cloudy 20th., Sep., 2005. (1) There should be a space after a punctuation point. Today is Friday. It is a colorful day. I went to McDonald’s with my girl friend. She is [b]an[/b] outgoing person. She [u]have[/u] [b]has[/b] a lot of secret[b]s[/b] [u] to others[/u]=?. (1) She has a lot of secrets. =She keeps a lot of secrets to herself. (2) She has a lot of secrets of other people. (= She know a lot of secret about other people) (3) She keeps a lot of secrets= there are a lot of secrets, some about herself, some about others, that she keeps. (But not anyone for me)--> , but not from me. .She is [b]a[/b] beautiful girl. We [u]were[/u] [b]have been[/b] together [u]since[/u] [b] for[/b] three years. We love each other .I [u]fill[/u] [b]fell[/b] in love her [u]at[/u] one night. (We finished out-paniting)=?(Sorry, no idea what this means. What is “paniting”> My guess is “painting”. But what is “out-painting”?) . She was ill (at before days)=? Do you mean (1) She had been ill days before, or (2) She had been ill for several days ? **You should also rearrange the time sequence of the events.*** [u] One life to One person, One meet to One person, One love for One person.[/u]: [b]Use either semi-colons or full stops.[/b] The person is her. She [b]is[/b] devoted to me [u]much[/u] [b]a lot[/b] too. So I must [u]better[/u] love her [b]more[/b]. In fact[u]s[/u][b],[/b] I love her because our heart [u]is bridge[/u][b]=?[/b]. (My guess: We love each other because our hearts are as one/We love each other because there is an emotional bond between us.) I believe we [u]can[/u] [b]will[/b] be married and [u]life[/u] [b]live[/b] together forever. ( Example of use of can and will: Sure you [b]can[/b] marry, but [b]will[/b] you?) [u] A word[/u]=? “ (a love arrow shotted our feeling)=?, we are love each other forever” Suggestion “Cupid’s arrow found its mark on us.(use semi-colon or full stop) we will love each other forever.” (i)comma, semi-colon, full stop): run-on sentences: read [url]http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=8&ID=13605[/url] [/size]
  • TheYeti [四级英语] ,2005-10-13
    [size=3]Despite the many mistakes, you have made a good start; keep working at it, and don't give up. The secret to success in learning a language well is presistence and consistence. Writing a diary is a good way of keeping yourself writing daily. I once wrote an article on how people can start writing--in response to questions from students about how and what they can write as a start. I had it posted in 3 or 4 different BBSes. One is at Tianya, but I cannot find the link. Another is at the dian-dian net, and the one I have the URL on hand is at Rainlane: How To Start Practing Writing. [url]http://www.rainlane.com/dispbbs.asp?BoardID=8&ID=10890[/url] [/size]
  • rain_star [四级英语] ,2005-10-14
    Giving up another try means giving up success. No mill, no meal.
  • maryyou [四级英语] ,2005-10-18
    rain_star is a good teacher !~~~~~~~~`` [s:2] [s:2] [s:2]
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作者:neil

英语水平:四级英语

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